Just in case you had those thoughts:
1) Unless you’ve really, *really*, royally fucked up, a desire for death is a result of problems with your brain chemistry, not a problem with you, your being, your actions or your past as such.
2) Suicide is the way out which is guaranteed to make those who care about you feel like shit. Those who don’t care about you or don’t know you, most likely will stay that way. Those who dislike you are most likely to scoff at your death, or even celebrate your offing yourself.
3) Trying to off yourself isn’t easy, and you’re more likely to fuck yourself up badly without actually dying as a result.
Pills overdose? Will most likely make you pass out, and your body will try to puke it up while you’re unconscious, but not enough of them to avoid your system taking up a lot of the drugs, which will be enough to cause lasting organ damage. You’ll wake up smeared in your own puke to a life of needing continuous medical assistance.
Shooting your own head off? Try with a shotgun under the chin, you’re likely to just blow off your lower jaw, making you an interesting spectacle for the ER medics, and besides you’ll have to be on a liquid diet for the rest of your life. But if Robocop could subsit on baby food, so can you.
Shooting yourself with a pistol in the side of your head? You might just sever your optic nerves and take out a single or two specific brain functions, but survive. You’ll be spending your life blind, but telling the kids about how life without vision and a sense of smell is is kind of informative.
Death by cutting? Won’t work, you’ll have second thoughts the moment the blood starts spraying (even if you do it right), so you’ll just manage to repaint your room, and calling the emergency services while desperately trying to hold your arteries clamped down will prove an entertaining experience. On a positive note, you’ll learn how to multi-task, deffo something to put on your CV.
Death by blades, Japanese style? Forget it. Westerners simply don’t have the guts for that shit.
Jumping from a tall building? Not only is it not certain to end it for you, in case you hit a tree, a bush, a parasol, or some poor fellas poodle dog, and you’re not even going to make a nice mushed-tomato *splat* effect, but most of the way down you’ll regret intensely that you stepped off, in other words, brown panties time. Additionally, you will have a lot of broken arms and legs tho, and be in a *lot* of pain while they wheel you off to the ER (with brown panties).
(But judging from underground snuff video footage of parachute jumpers with defective ‘chutes, in case you manage to do it correctly, you’ll make a pretty neat bounce when you hit the ground, because your body behaves elastically, which is kind of cool, especially if you’re a science geek.)
High-speed motorway solo accident? Same as the building thing. You might not die, just break a lot of shit, or be fortunate to hit a bush, but you’ll have wrecked your car or your parents car. Why do that to the car? What did the car ever do to you to deserve it?!
(Again, from a physics perspective, being ejected through the windshield of a car at 100 mph is interesting and illustrative for your understanding of inertia and conservation of energy. Take notes during the process.)
Hanging? Dude, it takes an expert to do hangings properly. The hangmen of old weren’t just sadists wearing black hoods, they knew their trade *intimately* so that they could do it properly, and not just fuck up their… customers. A hanging done improperly will only break your neck and leave you hanging in the loop for twenty minutes while tearing at the noose, while slowly chocking. If thats your idea of comfort…
Drowning? Nearly impossible, and Uncle Chuck won’t let it happen to those who want it anyway.
Death by fire? A surprisingly slow process, and *very* uncomfortable, but those who clean up your place of departure will appreciate the smell of bacon.
Death by Facebook? Hey, it has pictures of cats.
4) Because dark, aburdist humor is a rare art, and you just haven’t explored it enough.